How Attraction Works

A Tantric therapist explains the interplay between masculine and feminine energies

BY Avi Kabani


ave you ever seen a very feminine women or masculine man walk into a room filled with people? Every one notices the feminine, she literally shines; and everyone notices the masculine, adjusting their body to his presence. When you do see one of these types, you likely feel drawn to them—in essence that is called attraction and there are very distinct and specific traits that the masculine and feminine have that attract each other.

Below I’ve listed some extreme examples of feminine and masculine traits. It’s important to note that these characteristics are energy based. You can be a man and embody feminine traits and you can be a women and embody masculine traits or you can switch between both. It’s the energy that you are projecting that you need to notice.

Masculine Energy

Winning and losing
Goal oriented
Empty space
Purpose driven

Feminine Energy

Always searching for more fullness
Loves to commune with nature, animals, and babies
Focuses on experiencing love and loving others
Food, textures, colors, and the senses
Creative and expressive
Flowing with the world and within her mind, body, and spirit
Movement in the body
Openness both physically and emotionally
Emotional depth

Now that we have a basic understanding of masculine and feminine energy, how does attraction work, exactly? It’s actually very simple. We become attracted to our exact polar opposite. We unknowingly and unconsciously seek what we don’t have and when we suddenly become attracted to someone we usually say something like, “I don’t know what it is about him/her.” It’s this “special” feeling that moves through you, that excites you, and eventually leads you into the infatuation phase. Like magnets we literally pull ourselves to each other.

Additionally, there are two sides to attraction. We often have this misconception that attraction works only on the positive traits listed above. This is wrong. Attraction also works on negative emotions and pain. You can become attracted to someone’s negative emotional field and their past trauma. This is a clear indication that there is some unresolved pain or trauma in you. This may also be the reason why you are not attracting the right person in your life, over and over again.

We each have masculine and feminine traits in us that help us attract not only intimate partners, but also careers, close friends, groups of people, and even where we decide to live! These traits are gifts that we can learn to embrace and give to others. Feminine energy’s depth of loving can change the lives of others. Masculine energy’s direction can lead us into a new world. When we come together as opposite energies we become whole and complete.

Avi Kabani

Avi Kabani

Avi Kabani is a Tantric therapist focused on helping people heal from sexual and emotional traumas. He is a contributor for Spirit Guides Magazine, where he writes about sexuality, intimacy, and love. Learn more about his work at

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