y husband and I just got into a blow-out fight.
Which makes the writing of this article in utter and perfect divine timing.
How can Love liberate me from an argument in which I’m clearly “right” and my husband is clearly off his fucking rocker?! (Insert sarcasm here.)
I had a feeling you—and my ego-mind—might ask this.
So, here’s the real, raw dealio.
I am fully responsible for this major disagreement and every occurrence in my life. And so are you. I know, I know, this feels like self-blame, but I assure you it’s not.
This is, in fact, empowerment. If I’m a victim of my circumstances I am powerless to change them. Same goes for you.
When I understand that I am an empowered divine being, I take back my power, realizing that if something is coming into my experience and it triggers the fuck out of me then I have some important self-work to do.
If my partner and I are furious at each other, I am responsible for that experience—my portion of it at the very least. I cannot shift his experience, but I am solely and fully responsible for shifting mine.
In order for Love to liberate me, I must admit what my ego does not wish for me to speak. I must own fully my side of the street—my harshness, my misalignment, my projections, my distortions. This is the only way I can return to my Sacred Self, to my true Self, to the woman I fully and completely am.
And so. I sit down and write out all of my judgements about my husband from this argument. All of the ways I think he “sucks” and all of the aspects I deem as “wrong.”
Then. I see where I am subtly or not so subtly, as the case may be, matching him in these judgements. Where I carry similar, if not the exact same, distortions within myself.
This is always a humbling experience and a compassionate one as well.
From there, I get to work on my inner child who is undoubtedly engaged in some kind of tantrum, as well as past lifetimes and/or ancestral traumas that have led me to this place. Not to mention allowing the intense emotions to be fully discharged from my body, not left to linger and attract more of the same. (BTWs, I made a complete Emotional Empowerment Guide that walks you through this entire process.)
So, why do I do all of this?! And encourage all those called to the work of “Love as a liberation” to do the same for every argument/wound/catastrophe in their life?
Because I believe in Love’s power to liberate me and you from the trappings of the ego, thought distortions, power plays, and our own bullshit in general.
Love does not blame. Ever. Even when the other is really, really “wrong.”
Love claims Love as its only order of the day, which means owning it all—taking responsibility for all that I brought to the experience while granting my partner the ability to be wherever he is, as well as granting myself the ability to experience all that I need to experience.
Love does not take away—from self or others.
Love gives in overflowing abundance. And hold up right there, empaths—I do not mean in the classic over-give fashion we know so well, but rather, in generosity of spirit, in compassion, in allowing others to be exactly where they need to be without the need to change them, and to open a safe container for solution-oriented forward movement.
You with me?
Love is fierce in its protection of Love itself, which means if I’m speaking out of alignment (i.e., out of anger, pain, wounds), no matter how “right” I deem myself to be, it’s my personal responsibility to surrender into Love if I want to return to the Love and peace that I and the other are.
It’s my personal responsibility to set my husband free to be exactly who he needs to be. To have his reactions, to have his experience, and to Love him through it as he does.
It’s also my personal responsibility to be present with my internal experience. What are the stories I’m telling that are causing me to fight so fervently for my position? What if it were enough to say, “We’re both right, now let’s find a solution that makes us both happy?”
Love liberates us because it doesn’t let us off the hook. It doesn’t let us stay in our projections and rejections, in our blame and our lashing out. It doesn’t let us stay in attack and separation.
Rather, it promptly returns us back to our full responsibility for everything that occurs in our lives, even when our most intimate partner (or whomever is before us) is out of sorts or enraged or disconnected from his or her true essence.
Love liberates us and reminds us that we know exactly what it’s like to be out of sorts and enraged and disconnected and, thus, we have no business judging another for the same.
Love liberates us because it returns us to win-win solutions and peace and joy for this very moment. It allows us to see the divine within ourselves and only then can we Liberate ourselves and those we Love from all that is non-Love.
Side note: My husband and I were able to—on the other side of our time out where I did the work I described above—return to Love, seeing the core pains that triggered each of us, which then opened us to a deeper level of Love and compassion for each other and our path together.
Because, #ofcourse, this is what Love does—it opens and liberates and returns us back to each other and back to ourselves, again and again.
To allow yourself to become intimately acquainted with Love and its power to liberate you on all levels, I encourage you to grab your copy of The Truth About Love: A Guide to What Love Is, How It Works, and How to Create More of It in Your Life—where I offer you practical actions, rituals, and next steps to connect more fully to the power of Love to transform your life.
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