ith tears streaming down my face, my heart racing, goosebumps all over my body, and my human form seemingly formless—I picked up my pendulum, closed my eyes, steadied my shaking hands and allowed my heart to move the swinging fluorite crystal hanging above my palm.
I was lost at home. Uncomfortable, vulnerable, in the dark.
“Should I move to Spain?” I eagerly, but openly, asked the universe. I felt the pendulum begin to swing, and without opening my eyes, I knew it was affirmative.
I was alive like a wildfire from that point forward. Burning into ashes in order to rise anew.
To the wisdom of the universe; to my insatiable spiritual desires; to the flow of my soul; to the incessant calling of the open road.
By surrendering I created space for something new. I opened myself up and was released from all that did not serve me. I accepted what was, knowing it was a temporary state. I meditated on thoughts of peace within, fulfillment, and discovery.
The funny thing was, once I made the decision, I quickly and painfully realized that it was me who was holding myself back all along. I had blamed everything, and everyone, but myself up until that point: society, work, student loans, parents, friends, money (or lack thereof), all of it. But not me. No, there was no way I had any blame to take in this situation. I was the victim. All I wanted to do was travel and all these things were holding me back, right? So, so wrong.
Turns out, I was the only one to blame—and I was also the only one who could set myself free.
Surrender is one of the most powerful forces in the universe—next to love. Surrender allows us to say “ok, yes” when the universe says, “I have a plan, do you trust me?”
Consulting the occult
Surrender is the midwife of miracles. When we are worried about something, we clench, grip, and tense up. This restricts the flow of energy and, therefore, the flow of magic. But when we surrender, we create space for the light to shine in and allow the soul to flow with the rhythm of the universe and our own desires, opening us up to possibility and spontaneity.
It was only when I finally surrendered to my own desires to freely travel that I truly got into the flow of what I would call my authenticity.
Now, four and a half years after that fateful swing of the pendulum, I find myself in a constant state of movement. I don’t know that I’ll ever want to stay in one place for very long, and I know that that’s ok. For so long, I’ve felt like I was doing something wrong by wanting to scratch the itch of booking a plane ticket or packing a bag and hopping in the car. People made me feel like I was running away, escaping the glorious and crushing responsibility of being an adult.
I now realize that this is just part of my nature, and that these feet and this heart will take me places others will never see with their own two eyes.
It is travel that fuels me, but it is acceptance and surrender that keep me on a regular maintenance schedule of the soul.
I have been so deeply changed, influenced, and inspired by travel that I haven’t lived in one place consistently for more than a year and a half for the past six years. There is just so much to see. So many people to meet. So many hearts to catch and release. How could I possibly plant roots?
As a Taurus, this is against my very constitution. A stable, earthy, grounded and practical sign, Taureans are drawn to consistency and resist change. I don’t know where my stardust got laced with reckless abandon, but I am more than happy to enable this behavior.
For me, travel is life. It scares me and gets my blood pumping, all the while blowing my mind and humbling me to my knees. There is no other. Travel is the one.
What do you think about in the precious moments before you fall asleep each night? What keeps you awake and gives you goosebumps to think about as you stare off into the distance? For me, for so long, it has always been traveling.
Listen to your heart and soul and know that they are right. Give your internal compass permission to guide you, even if that means leaving everything behind and breaking the mold. Surrender.
You’re worth it. Your dreams are worth it.
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